It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
