Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
