he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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