now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
