Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
