Having a random hookup so left but love u
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
