I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
