drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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