the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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