On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
