Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
