you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
