What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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