Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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