he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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