there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
