Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
