oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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