I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
