We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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