Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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