I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
