I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
