Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
