I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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