My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
