The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
