I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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