I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
