just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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