Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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