I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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