this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
