Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
