Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
