alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
