i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
