there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
