"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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