she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
