I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
