Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
