I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
