soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
