the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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