my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
