o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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