So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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