I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
