If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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