shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
