yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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