The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
