...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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