I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
