Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
