Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
