well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
did i just pee glitter
These tits shall not be calmed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
