Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
