Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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