just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
