He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
