I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
