Whod you bang
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
