I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
