I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
