I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
