a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
