I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
