I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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