I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I believe in your delicious
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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