she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
