Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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